You know what, I don't care anymore.

So what if I'm failing at college life? Did anyone really expect me to do well at this? I hoped it would be the amazing experience that everyone said it would be, but I think I always knew it wouldn't be like that for me.

And maybe I'm holding too tightly to the past. That's what I've been told anyways. But so what? I need to hold on. Because if I stop, I will undoubtedly have the breakdown everyone has been waiting for.

Unlike everyone else, I'm not thriving in this new scenario. I'm not glad to cut the ties between me and my parents because I was lucky enough to have awesome parents and a mom that I hung out with more than most of my friends. I have no new found sense of freedom because I've never had a curfew in my life.

In fact, if anything I feel like I've lost some of my freedom. Watching TV, my all-time favorite thing, is awkward at best because I feel like I'm disturbing my roommate. I can't even get ready in the light in fear of waking my roommate. I'm ruled by other peoples schedules and not my own.

So I've come to the conclusion that college was created for two types of people: people who hate their parents or some aspect of their home life and people who want to get drunk 24/7.

This doesn't mean I'm homesick and that I cry every night wishing I was home. I don't. It just means that it's not what I thought it would be. And it's most definitely not what I needed it to be.