For a pessimist, I'm pretty optimistic

a couple months ago this week would have torn me apart. but it didn't. it wasn't what i imagined. it didn't feel the same. it didn't even come close to feeling like it.

it's a strange feeling though. looking at someone you knew so well and seeing someone else. and obviously it's sad...but what can you do? it's out of your control. the sooner i accept that, the better.

also.

stop pretending like you know everything about me. stop thinking that you know everything in general. stop telling me what i should do.

but i'm glad you seemed so convinced that i will fail. because i love proving people wrong. and it's going to feel so good when i'm the one who's happy and you realize what an idiot you've been.

This is my life. I need to remember that.

I have the power to control it. I can change it. I am going to make something of it.

And I'm not going to be that girl. I want to be. I could be. But I can't. Because I've been there and I can't do it to someone else.

Sometimes being the bigger person sucks.

Yes...I did do that.

You know what is an odd feeling?

Knowing that six hours away there is a group of girls comforting their friend, reassuring her that you are a slut or a whore, and that you didn't mean anything.

I'm not sure how that should make me feel.

I signed the papers today. I am officially free.

I'm happy.

I'm relieved.

I'm sad.

Countdown

December 12 cannot come fast enough.

I want out so bad. I feel like I live in an isolation chamber. Except it's worse than that because instead of padded walls there are windows that show me everything I'm missing.

It's ironic too. Because the only reason I even decided to live in the dorms is because I didn't want to feel like I was missing out. But now that's all I ever feel like.

Oh well I guess...