It's hard to believe a year has gone by.
It's only been a year.
It only took 12 months for me to go from having everything I could want to absolutely nothing.
It only took a year for me to fall in love, get my heartbroken, move out, move back home, and have more friendships change for the worst rather than the better.
It was the best year ever. It was also the worst.
I wish I knew how to fix it. I wish I could go back.
Monday, December 29, 2008
Thursday, December 11, 2008
"You're the only thing I know like the back of my hand"
It comes in waves. Today is one of the bad days. The next month will probably be one long bad day. Filled with too many things I wish I could forget.
I don't know how to make it go away. I don't know how to make it easier.
And it kills me because I knew. I read old journal entries and half of them consist of me being afraid of getting my heart broken. But I still let myself fall anyways.
How can you ever trust anyone? People can look you in the eye and say the exact thing you want to hear. And at that moment, it's the greatest feeling in the world.
But I'm starting to wonder if that feeling is worth the heartache it causes later.
I don't know how to make it go away. I don't know how to make it easier.
And it kills me because I knew. I read old journal entries and half of them consist of me being afraid of getting my heart broken. But I still let myself fall anyways.
How can you ever trust anyone? People can look you in the eye and say the exact thing you want to hear. And at that moment, it's the greatest feeling in the world.
But I'm starting to wonder if that feeling is worth the heartache it causes later.
Sunday, December 7, 2008
"So here's to everything coming down to nothing"
despite everything, i'm thankful for the things that have happened.
i had my heart broken. everything changed with one phone call. i was a mess. but i'm here. and even though my heart may still be a bit broken, I'm not broken.
and I know not a lot of people understand my choice to move home. it's so frustrating too because I feel like people think I'm moving home because I want to be in my comfort zone.
true? maybe a little. but the truth is that I am strong enough to admit that I don't want to be here. I know for a fact that some people are unhappy with college life, but they go on pretending.
I'm just over it. I'm over living my life the way other people want me to live it. I'm over trying to impress you. I'm over trying to change your mind. I'm over it.
"And I stare at the phone, he still hasn't called
And then you feel so low you can't feel nothin' at all
And you flashback to when he said forever and always
And it rains in your bedroom, everything is wrong
It rains when you're here and it rains when you're gone
Cause I was there when you said forever and always
You didn't mean it baby, I don't think so"
i had my heart broken. everything changed with one phone call. i was a mess. but i'm here. and even though my heart may still be a bit broken, I'm not broken.
and I know not a lot of people understand my choice to move home. it's so frustrating too because I feel like people think I'm moving home because I want to be in my comfort zone.
true? maybe a little. but the truth is that I am strong enough to admit that I don't want to be here. I know for a fact that some people are unhappy with college life, but they go on pretending.
I'm just over it. I'm over living my life the way other people want me to live it. I'm over trying to impress you. I'm over trying to change your mind. I'm over it.
"And I stare at the phone, he still hasn't called
And then you feel so low you can't feel nothin' at all
And you flashback to when he said forever and always
And it rains in your bedroom, everything is wrong
It rains when you're here and it rains when you're gone
Cause I was there when you said forever and always
You didn't mean it baby, I don't think so"
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