Be yourself...but be sure to fit in.

Just when I'm finally starting to think that maybe I can do this someone or something reminds me why this is so far from where I want to be.

But I'm not trying...or at least that's what everyone likes to tell me. Be more open. Stop living in the past. Go out of your comfort zone. I've heard it all enough to last me a lifetime.

Maybe I picked the wrong college. Maybe I should have gone further away. Maybe I should have done honors college to meet people more like me.

Or maybe I hold a grudge against college because of what it took away from me.

I can analyze and wonder all I want but nothing's going to change. I'm still going to be here, I'm still going to feel alone, and I'm still going to want to go home.

I am sick of thinking about college or how I "missed the boat" when it came to bonding with people on my floor - or even people in general. Because honestly I didn't miss the boat. I don't have any interest in befriending these people.

And unlike some people I am not going to change who I am to fit in. Does enjoying being by myself make me a failure at college? No. It's who I am. I like listening to my music and watching my favorite TV shows. Do I want to make new friends? Obviously. But with people who like me for me, not the person that would fit in with them.

So if changing who I am is the only way dorm life is going to get better, then I guess I'm going to be sitting in my room a hell of a lot.